


OMG! Lestat killed Benji!

by YourGreenEyedMonster (Mon_beau_sur_lun)



Category: Vampire Chronicles - All Media Types, Vampire Chronicles - Anne Rice
Genre: Au Vc Louis Lestat silly death, M/M, Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-17
Updated: 2015-12-09
Packaged: 2018-05-02 02:59:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5231345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mon_beau_sur_lun/pseuds/YourGreenEyedMonster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Decided to use some of KC's ideas for a comedy fic in "60 Things You'll Never See in the Vamp Canon." I used the following in no particular order.<br/>1. Squirrels invade Rue Royal! Will Louis notice all the rodents climbing over him?<br/>5. Sybelle spontaneously combusts! The coven celebrates, even Marius!<br/>6. Danny organizes the coven into a Vampire Lord of the Dance!<br/>22. Lestat loses his memory, thinks he's Superman.<br/>23. Pandora, Gabrielle and Jessica all get amnesia, think they're the Powerpuff Girls!<br/>32. The coven goes diving to see sharks up close, Benji slips out of the shark cage and is devoured.<br/>41. Louis decides to live his un-life as a woman!<br/>48. Lestat: Kills Benji. Armand: Oh my God! He killed Benji! Marius: You bastard!<br/>49. Superman meets Lestat.</p><p>All characters belong to A. Rice. No money made this fic. </p><p>AU silly spec fun to work on when bored. I see this as a challenge to make all these things happen in a silly story.</p><p>Your comments are appreciated but keep in mind it is a work in progress and will be edited. Added some to CH 2 12-6-15</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. General Mojo and His Troops?!

It all started when Lestat got an idea from watching Billy Crystal in City Slickers rounding up cattle. I know it's scary, huh? Lestat with an idea? Hell any blond with an idea is scary.

"We need a new narrator!" Lestat shouts, "This one is prejudiced by gorgeous blondes! I am the star of this fic and refuse to work under these conditions!"

"Actually you didn't read the fine print in your contract. It says here we can make whatever jokes we want...however we want.. as badly as we want. Also, it says that Armand gets top billing, followed by Louis... in fact you are listed under Benji..."

Lestat mumbles under his breath something nasty about having his lawyer Christine for dinner as he reads the contract.

"Lestat come on and let the narrator do her job!" Louis yells.

Okay back to Lestat's idea. He decided to teach Mojo how to round up squirrels. Mojo became quite proficient at rounding the rodents up. One day when Lestat was out feeding Mojo excitedly started his squirrel roundup. Once he rounded them up he chased them into the house on Rue Royal thru his doggy door! The ever lovable dog just wanted to play with them and Louis. But Louis had other ideas like reading trashy romance novels for ideas on how to keep Lestat interested in bed. Louis was laying on the carpet in front of the fireplace reading his sexy novel when the squirrel invasion happened. Of course our beautiful resident bookworm was too engrossed in his Danielle Steele novel to notice the squirrels running all over the townhouse and running across his back, legs, etc. When Lestat walked in the house positively glowing from his dinner he started laughing hysterically because a squirrel was nesting in Louis' hair and he didn't even notice it or all the others in the house!

"Hush Lestat! I AM READING!" Louis said while swiping the squirrel from his hair thinking it is Lestat.

Lestat looked at him bemused and shrugged saying, "but chaton."

"Not now Lestat stop that," he said interrupting him and swiping at his own back. "Just let me finish the ending of this book first!"

Lestat rolled his eyes and decided to sit down on the sofa and watch and wait to see how long it took Louis to notice all the squirrels. A couple minutes later Louis looked up from his book and angrily said, "Lestat I said no..." the words died on his lips as he finally noticed the squirrel invasion secretly led by Gen. Mojo. He screamed when he noticed the squirrels on him so he jumped up from the floor knocking them off as Lestat laughed.

"It's not funny Lestat and this is all your fault!"

"My fault Louis? How so? I wasn't even home to do this!" He said laughing but he kept to himself that he had secretly taught Mojo to roundup squirrels. He decided that was probably a bad decision but it was funny not scary.

"How did they get in the house Louis, hmm? You were the one home. So you are responsible for this, chaton." He said waving his arms around. "Louis, are you going vegetarian again but using squirrels instead of rats this time, chaton? You should store them in the refrigerator, love."

Louis stood there seething knowing it is his Maker's fault but he did not exactly know how to prove it was his fault. Because he had no idea how this happened... he seethed thinking that he just did not have the evidence to blame him. So he stomped his foot and said, "No and I am not dealing with this," he quickly left the room for their bedroom after yelling down the stairs, "l am leaving until this mess is cleaned up!"

Lestat followed him saying, "Good we need a vacation and the coven was discussing a reunion in the Bahamas in the chatroom last night. I will book a villa and send out an email to everyone."

"Don't forget to call an exterminator!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credits:   
> Armand  
> Louis  
> Mojo  
> Squirrels  
> Benji  
> The rest of the coven  
> Lestat
> 
>  
> 
> Lol sorry had to do it


	2. Lions, Benji's and Sharks...Oh My!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Daniel break Louis winning streak? Will Benji get eaten by a shark?

Somewhere in the Bahamas...in the biggest shark cage known to the undead forged from Maharet's super strong hair. (Where does she get all this hair from anyway? Haven't you noticed that it is always long in all these stories... hmm maybe she was Rapunzel in a past life.) The Coven watches the sharks swimming. Predators watching predators isn't this a heartwarming scene? I should also mention that Louis bet Daniel that someone will get hurt or worse by a shark. The loser of the bet has to be the winners slave for a week. Someone really needs to tell Daniel not to make bets with Louis since he always wins. The outcome wouldn't matter to him because Daniel figures the situation is win win anyways (he drools after thought). Okay the scene is set. Let us begin.

"Lestat quit pinching my butt! I know it isn't a crab. You can't pull that trick twice!" Louis yells as he jumps into the shark cage. Lestat snickers jumping in after him joining Louis and the rest of the coven in the cage. 

After swatting Lestat away from him Louis watches the sharks through his cat like green eyes. He watches the sharks for a while then he decides he needs a mark so he can win the bet. He decides on Benji because he figures if he dies from this no one will really miss him. Also he thinks he is annoying. He then looks around the shark cage finding Benji. He smiles at him making sure Lestat notices. Louis swims up to Benji and touches his shoulder. He then licks his lips and flirtatiously winds his hair around his finger. After masking sure Lestat is still watching he slides his hand down Benji's thigh. Benji gulps. Louis thinks that should do it what an easy mark as he removes his hand. Lestat snarls seeing this and lunges for Benji after pushing Louis out of the way.

Benji swims for the door to the shark cage as fast as he can opening it and closing it before Lestat can catch hold of him. Just at that moment Marius had pulled dead fish parts from the cooler so they could feed the sharks. The smell of the blood got every vampires attention including the brats. But unfortunately for Benji the movement and smell of blood caused the shark nearest to the young vampire bite him. Causing Benji to scream under the water. Everyone looked back towards Benji and stood transfixed as they watched the shark tear his leg from his body. Luckily, Benji is a scrappy young vampire and punches the shark in the nose. This caused the shark to release his leg so he could get it back from the shark. The shark dies from the force of the punch and the other sharks realize a bigger threat than they are and swim away.

Lestat smirks daring Benji to come back in the cage and telepathically sends :Kills Benji: to all of the vampires.

Armand seeing Benji's state sends telepathically to everyone :Oh my God! He killed Benji: 

Marius telepathically replies, :You bastard!: Then he swims to the door and yanks Benji back into the cage. Protectively holding his fledgling in his arms. Maharet takes the remote and raises the cage back onto the yacht. They all walk out of the cage and on deck Marius attaches Benji's leg back on his body.

After calming the Brat down and soothing his ego by assuring him he still loves him. Louis explained to Lestat that he was just trying to win a bet with Daniel. Also he was trying to get even with Lestat for the squirrel incident at the same time as winning the bet by making him jealous. Lestat smiles at this and says, "Louis you are so evil and you have them all fooled into thinking you're so innocent. I am so proud of you! So we have a slave this week Louis? I love you. Daniel our slave...Armand won't be happy!" He says gleefully at the thought of making Armand's vacation miserable by stealing his companion. Louis grins at Lestat relieved that he is happy with his explanation.

(TBC wip)


End file.
